What a terrific day I had yesterday with the Wellspouse group! After some problems finding the hostel at Tyler State Park (it's very remote and isn't even accessible from the main entrance; park covers 17,000 acres), I arrived about 10:00, just in time for late breakfast. Marty, editor of Mainstay, the Wellspouse newsletter, cooked and served up platters of pancakes and omelets, along with fresh hot coffee, fruit, and rolls.
There were from 22 to 17 attendees at any one time. Some stayed the whole weekend, some came just on Saturday, as I did, and two were there only overnight on Friday. I was so pleased to meet the others, all of whom care for chronically ill or disabled family members. One beautiful blonde (I honestly thought she was about 25 until she showed pictures of her grandchildren--she's 46) cares for her husband, who has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). She mentioned that she had bought a house in her home state of Oklahoma for her and her 13-year-old son to move to when her husband dies. It was wonderfully refreshing NOT to hear anyone say, "Oh, don't even think of such a thing" or "You never know, he may get better," or "Don't give up--attitude is everything in fighting an illness." (This last is an inanity that makes want to leap on the idiot and strangle him or her.)
I won't record many details about the stories of those at the retreat. They varied, but regardless of age, gender, or any other circumstances, all experience exactly what I do, day by day: the sadness, the anger, and finally, the bewildered acceptance of what Barbara, a terrific fortyish woman who lives in Manhattan, called "the new normal."
Well, we didn't just eat and talk. After breakfast, six of us went for a walk of a mile or so through the park, over a wonderful covered bridge and along some broad paths. We had to share the space with a surprising number of horses--I hadn't realized equestrians were welcome--and dogs (on leashes, of course). That was just a preliminary to our walk after a delicious lunch of pita bread, cold cuts, tuna salad, and home-grown tomatoes.
We rounded up twelve people--the others opted to stay and chat in the hostel--and, led by Kent, a terrific guy whose wife has MS--hiked to the dam. Carol and Beverly, who had come together, were so funny: They moaned and complained continually about how far we were walking--"We must have covered five miles already!"--but they were game and stuck it out (they couldn't have made their way back without Kent, anyway). To these Cherry Hill matrons, it must have seen like a battle with the elements, as the terrain really was pretty challenging. For at least half the way, we walked on sloping, even steep, and very narrow paths strewed with rocks (I guess for traction for the horses) and dense with foliage.
The dam area is a beautiful place where there were lots of people picnicking, swimming, and just enjoying the gorgeous day, and we happily relaxed there for an hour or so. Gerry from Boston, whose wife is paralyzed, treated us all to cold bottles of water that were being sold from an ice cream truck. We took lots of pictures, then went back. The guys figured we had gone about four miles out, and four back, so it was a good, vigorous walk.
When we got back, Jean and Mari had arrived. They're long-time Wellspouse members and were greeted with pleasure by the others. They each have an "IS" ("ill spouse" in our parlance), as we all do.
Hey, there are no Puritans in this crowd. Recklessly disregarding the posted signs about "no alcoholic beverages," we broke out the beer and wine and enjoyed before-dinner libations while we talked and talked. (I had a Corona ale with a slice of lime in it--oh, joy!)
Dinner was so good, everybody bringing something (or contributing $5.00 if they didn't). We had a big salad, pasta with pesto, trays of sausages and meatballs, and various sides. My chocolate cake for dessert made a big hit, if I say it myself. (As I suspected, not many attendees regularly enjoy homemade "from scratch" cakes.)
I left (following Bob--otherwise, I'd still be trying to find my way out) about 7:30 and got home a little before 10:00. It was such a good, good day, the description above being just the bare outlines of one of the best, most rewarding and fulfilling experiences I've had in a long time. I hope to join these new friends for a Christmas party in Cherry Hill on December 1. We'll see if that works out.
Skipped my wine and popcorn for once, and went to bed. I also skipped this morning's walk; I had told Susan I may sleep in and I did, not getting up until practically the middle of the afternoon: 7:05.
Got a nice, newsy e-mail from Mike about his, Paula's, and adorable girl's doings, which I'll report on in tomorrow's entry. He also sent the pictures of Patrick and Natsue from his dinner with them last week. She's a lovely young woman with a beautiful smile and I was thrilled to get the pics--they both look happy and healthy. Patrick also wrote that they were very busy, but settling in, and I was glad to hear from him.
Heard from friend, Virginia Beach Pat, and we firmed up our plans to meet on Wednesday for dinner at the Crab Trap. Can't wait to see her again and especially, to meet her Rich!
Now I want to run up to Home Depot and get mulch. Alison and Mike are coming this afternoon to help me take out some bushes and plant new ones.
So life goes on...some of it sucks and the rest is milk and honey. I'm so lucky to have gotten a good portion of the latter.