What a terrific day I had yesterday with the Wellspouse group! After some problems finding the hostel at Tyler State Park (it's very remote and isn't even accessible from the main entrance; park covers 17,000 acres), I arrived about 10:00, just in time for late breakfast. Marty, editor of Mainstay, the Wellspouse newsletter, cooked and served up platters of pancakes and omelets, along with fresh hot coffee, fruit, and rolls.
There were from 22 to 17 attendees at any one time. Some stayed the whole weekend, some came just on Saturday, as I did, and two were there only overnight on Friday. I was so pleased to meet the others, all of whom care for chronically ill or disabled family members. One beautiful blonde (I honestly thought she was about 25 until she showed pictures of her grandchildren--she's 46) cares for her husband, who has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). She mentioned that she had bought a house in her home state of Oklahoma for her and her 13-year-old son to move to when her husband dies. It was wonderfully refreshing NOT to hear anyone say, "Oh, don't even think of such a thing" or "You never know, he may get better," or "Don't give up--attitude is everything in fighting an illness." (This last is an inanity that makes want to leap on the idiot and strangle him or her.)
I won't record many details about the stories of those at the retreat. They varied, but regardless of age, gender, or any other circumstances, all experience exactly what I do, day by day: the sadness, the anger, and finally, the bewildered acceptance of what Barbara, a terrific fortyish woman who lives in Manhattan, called "the new normal."
Well, we didn't just eat and talk. After breakfast, six of us went for a walk of a mile or so through the park, over a wonderful covered bridge and along some broad paths. We had to share the space with a surprising number of horses--I hadn't realized equestrians were welcome--and dogs (on leashes, of course). That was just a preliminary to our walk after a delicious lunch of pita bread, cold cuts, tuna salad, and home-grown tomatoes.
We rounded up twelve people--the others opted to stay and chat in the hostel--and, led by Kent, a terrific guy whose wife has MS--hiked to the dam. Carol and Beverly, who had come together, were so funny: They moaned and complained continually about how far we were walking--"We must have covered five miles already!"--but they were game and stuck it out (they couldn't have made their way back without Kent, anyway). To these Cherry Hill matrons, it must have seen like a battle with the elements, as the terrain really was pretty challenging. For at least half the way, we walked on sloping, even steep, and very narrow paths strewed with rocks (I guess for traction for the horses) and dense with foliage.
The dam area is a beautiful place where there were lots of people picnicking, swimming, and just enjoying the gorgeous day, and we happily relaxed there for an hour or so. Gerry from Boston, whose wife is paralyzed, treated us all to cold bottles of water that were being sold from an ice cream truck. We took lots of pictures, then went back. The guys figured we had gone about four miles out, and four back, so it was a good, vigorous walk.
When we got back, Jean and Mari had arrived. They're long-time Wellspouse members and were greeted with pleasure by the others. They each have an "IS" ("ill spouse" in our parlance), as we all do.
Hey, there are no Puritans in this crowd. Recklessly disregarding the posted signs about "no alcoholic beverages," we broke out the beer and wine and enjoyed before-dinner libations while we talked and talked. (I had a Corona ale with a slice of lime in it--oh, joy!)
Dinner was so good, everybody bringing something (or contributing $5.00 if they didn't). We had a big salad, pasta with pesto, trays of sausages and meatballs, and various sides. My chocolate cake for dessert made a big hit, if I say it myself. (As I suspected, not many attendees regularly enjoy homemade "from scratch" cakes.)
I left (following Bob--otherwise, I'd still be trying to find my way out) about 7:30 and got home a little before 10:00. It was such a good, good day, the description above being just the bare outlines of one of the best, most rewarding and fulfilling experiences I've had in a long time. I hope to join these new friends for a Christmas party in Cherry Hill on December 1. We'll see if that works out.
Skipped my wine and popcorn for once, and went to bed. I also skipped this morning's walk; I had told Susan I may sleep in and I did, not getting up until practically the middle of the afternoon: 7:05.
Got a nice, newsy e-mail from Mike about his, Paula's, and adorable girl's doings, which I'll report on in tomorrow's entry. He also sent the pictures of Patrick and Natsue from his dinner with them last week. She's a lovely young woman with a beautiful smile and I was thrilled to get the pics--they both look happy and healthy. Patrick also wrote that they were very busy, but settling in, and I was glad to hear from him.
Heard from friend, Virginia Beach Pat, and we firmed up our plans to meet on Wednesday for dinner at the Crab Trap. Can't wait to see her again and especially, to meet her Rich!
Now I want to run up to Home Depot and get mulch. Alison and Mike are coming this afternoon to help me take out some bushes and plant new ones.
So life goes on...some of it sucks and the rest is milk and honey. I'm so lucky to have gotten a good portion of the latter.

Got done about everything I planned to yesterday. Made the cake in the morning and frosted it in the afternoon, ran over to Acme for supplies, watered the new plants, met co-chair Amy at the clubhouse to stuff the newsletter, and did a few other chores.
Before dinner, I idly sat reading early entries on my blog. I laughed out loud at some that recorded my eating habits a year and two years ago--good grief, no wonder I was overweight! I seemed to have gobbled up everything that wasn't nailed down. It's gratifying to realize my attitude toward food has fundamentally changed. (Well, it's about time--took me seventy years to get here.)
Betty called. Told me she was awaiting her friend, who was picking her up to go to the reunion. My grandson, Joel, is on vacation next week and he and his family will be staying at her house. I hope and plan to go down for the day once or twice--it would be such fun to take Joely to the beach.
I'm looking forward to meeting others in the Wellspouse group, and will be leaving for Bucks County in an hour or so. I think I have everything covered for Pat being alone until I get home tonight. Told Susan I wouldn't be walking this morning and may not tomorrow if I get home very late and want to sleep in.

Got to Weight Watchers early yesterday and chatted with a young woman. (Leslie's in Cleveland, so I went by myself.) We exchanged WW stories and I casually asked how long it took her to get to goal weight. "Eighteen months," she said. And how much did she lose?---------A hundred and forty-three pounds!
To say I was blown away is an understatement. Boy, oh brother, it's almost impossible to imagine losing that much. That's more than I want to weigh when I'm finished! Anyway, it was great to get acquainted with this tall, slender young woman who must be delighting in her new persona.
Didn't stay for the lecture because I wanted to get home, eat breakfast, then get down to Ventnor, which I did about noon.
Took Betty to the post office, then we went to Saladworks. Great place; they have "set" salads, but also let you design your own, which I opted to do. It was delicious, but of course, I ate only half and took the rest home; finished it at dinner.
Betty and I then went to Bob's Garden Center on the Black Horse Pike. This place is big and has great plants. I found some crepe myrtle, but they didn't have many and were either too low (miniatures) or didn't look healthy. Will look further, but may have to wait until spring to get them.
I bought a half-flat of winter pansies, though, and am thinking about putting them around the tree in the front. I would then have the mums and daisies for the flower bed. Want to get mulch, too, which I'll have to do today if I want Alison and Mike to spread it on Sunday.
Stayed at Betty's for another hour or so, but I had told Pat I'd be home for dinner, so left about 4:00. Today, she's going to her Miseracordia (nursing school) reunion--50th!--in Philly, then will leave from there to go back to California. We both cried when we said goodbye. I'll miss her so much, but hope she'll be back before too long, which is a possibility.
Must make the chocolate cake today for the Wellspouse excursion tomorrow. Have to get to the clubhouse to run off 330 copies of the flier for the newsletter, then stay to stuff the newsletter. Also want to run into Manahawkin for the mulch. Have a few other errands, too, so my day's shaping up as busy, but easily doable.

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday morning to get a call from Suzi D., of Long Beach Island. The director of the Atlantic County Coalition for Peace and Justice, Norm, had put us in touch a few weeks ago and we had already had contact by e-mail and phone. Suzi asked if I could possibly meet for lunch in a few hours and, of course, I was delighted to accept. (I can never understand why people sometimes insist on being given a certain amount of notice. If you're available, what difference does it make?)
We ate at the Horizon Diner in Manahawkin and stayed talking for two hours. What a terrific person Suzi is! She's a physical therapist for Holy Redeemer (visiting nurse organization) and is such a bright, interesting, and energetic gal--boy, did we click. She and her husband (they have four beautiful daughters and several equally beautiful grandchildren) just moved into their former summer home year-round. They had been members of the Coalition where they lived outside Philly and want to continue. As people do, we exchanged life stories, and found that many of our ideas, attitudes, and even--to an extent--backgrounds, are similar. She's as fierce a neocon-hater and peace lover as I am, and is a lively, articulate, intelligent person to boot, with a great sense of humor. When the next peace vigil is scheduled, I'll get in touch with her and we'll try to arrange for her to go with Dennis, Leslie, and me--her husband may come, too.
I had my regular Caesar salad with chicken, notwithstanding my little upset on Monday. My reasoning goes: 1.) it may not have been the salad, but some kind of minor bug; 2.) I eat C.s. with c. every time I go out for lunch; that's been at least once every week for the past few months, and I've never gotten sick before; and 3.) I wasn't deathly ill, anyway, the problem passing in about an hour (after Tums). However, I'm going down to pick up Betty today and will suggest we go to Saladworks, so I can get some other kind of salad. It isn't because I'm worried about Caesar, but simply that I have it so often, I'm getting tired of it.
Before I met Suzi, I went to several nurseries in Manahawkin looking for crepe myrtles and didn't find a single one. One place is getting them in soon, so I'll check back with them.
Borrowed a cake carrier from Susan, as I'm going to bring a dessert to the Respite Weekend on Saturday. I'll make my mocha chocolate cake--everybody seems to like it--and people so seldom get "from scratch" cake nowadays, I hope it's a treat.
Later: Zipped down to Weight Watchers just to get weighed; didn't stay for the lecture because I want to have breakfast, then pick Betty up. I lost another 1.6, for a total of 36.4 off and a current weight of 163.2. That's good and I'm well satisfied--aiming, of course, to get into the 150s before long.

Puttered around doing this and that most of the day. Barb H. came over with her offering for the Tricky Tray. Chatted with her for a time, went to Acme, set the table for Pat, then jumped in the shower to prepare for my dinner with Vivian. Now here's the BIG news:
I wore my new belt! If I say it myself, modest to a fault that I am, I looked terrific. Wore black, slim-fitting slacks, a Liz Claiborne white shirt tucked in, with a red and black jacket over--all set off by my gorgeous black, studded-with-silver belt. WOW!! I should be embarrassed to admit this (well, I should be), but before I left, I kept looking in the full-length mirror and admiring myself.
I was just going in the restaurant when Viv drove up. She saw me walking toward her and it was so gratifying when she oohed and aahed over my appearance. I can say what I will about losing weight for my health and longevity, but hey, this is a terrific side benefit I had almost forgotten--what fun!
As ever, greatly enjoyed seeing Viv. She's looking for a new job and asked me to look over her resume and cover letters. I did, made a few suggestions, and we discussed her work situation. She was sorry she can't go to the respite weekend (or, in my case, just Saturday), but her commitments are just too onerous.
Want to go look at crepe myrtles today, as well as get some mulch, in preparation for Alison coming on Sunday to help me garden. Hope the weather holds.
Was delighted to hear from dear friend and fellow blogger, Pat McH. R., that she'll be in the area with her Rich next week. Made arrangements to meet for dinner on Wednesday and, if Betty's still here, will bring her, too. (Hmm, wonder if Pat can guess what I'm going to wear...)

Mike called on the web cam to say he had had dinner in Tokyo at a Mexican restaurant with his brother and new SIL. She seems very nice, he said, and--surprise--has a black lab. Not sure if it's hers or her family's, as it doesn't live with them. Unfortunately, Paula couldn't be there as she didn't arrive until the next day. She and Mike did stay together overnight. Paula's birthday was a few days later and to celebrate, she and Mike checked into the Mandarin Oriental back in Singapore (I've been there and it's elegant). Nice to have a nanny so you can do that, even with a three-year-old.
Got down to Betty's about 11:00 and her friend, Sue M., arrived shortly after. Sue is a neat person and I was pleased she joined us. She's assistant to a New Jersey judge and has wonderfully interesting--but discreet--stories to tell. We went to the Green House in Margate for lunch. That place holds a lot of memories for Betty, as it was a bar and hangout for her in her drinking days. Now it's been completely remodeled and is a very nice, upscale restaurant. However, the dining room part (we wanted to sit on the deck) is open only three days a week and not on Monday. No matter, we ate at the bar. I had, yes, C.s. with c., which tasted very good--but! see below. Sue and I had a refreshing Coors light with our meal, Betty an O'Doul's clone, and as usual, I took more than half my salad home.
After, we drove down to Longport to the rock jetty. Lots of people were fishing and, interestingly, some were throwing nets to catch small, silvery fish; not sure what they were. Boy-o-boy, what a gorgeous view: the sun sparkled and shone off the slowly rolling waves, the white sand glistened, and the sky arched overhead like a blue canopy. Damn! Why don't I have three million dollars to built a house there? Will start saving.
Okay, here's "below": After a very pleasant day, I drove home in late afternoon. I had no sooner gotten on the Parkway than I started to feel queasy--then more than queasy, downright sick. My stomach hurt and that icky bile thing was threatening in my throat. I was actually considering pulling off to rid my body of whatever was roiling around in there, but chewed a few Tums and felt at least marginally better. By the time I got home, I was considerably better and after a few plumbing maneuvers (now, ain't I cute with the euphemisms?), I recovered. Ordinarily, I would have finished the Caesar salad for dinner, but I was uncharacteristically prudent in this case and threw it out. I gave Pat a pork chop, but ate very lightly myself, simply having half a butternut squash, a very small "white" sweet potato, and a few spoonfuls of peas. That would give WW purists the vapors, but I know my body and it worked for me. Later, I was able to enjoy my wine and popcorn with no problem.
Older d.d.*Alison called and we had a good talk. She'll be down on Sunday, with or without hubby Mike, and we'll remove two round bushes (the last ones the builder put in; we already had the spreading yews transplanted to the side), plant my newly acquired stuff, and spread mulch.
Tonight, will meet Vivian in Manahawkin for dinner, always an enjoyable experience. Now must wind this up, make a fresh pot of coffee, and pick Susan up for our walk.
*Darling daughter

Gorgeous day yesterday. There was just the slightest nip in the air during our walk, but as soon as the sun seriously shone, it was very warm. As always, Pat went back to bed after breakfast, and I high-tailed it to Hand's (local nursery) and got myself three big, beautiful, golden mums and two pots of Montauk daisies. I'm going to ask Alison and Mike to plant them when they come for gardening help next Sunday. LOVE Montauk daisies, which flower in the fall, and have the great characteristic of being perennials.
Served Pat lunch in the living room, as his beloved Eagles were playing. Saw some of the game (Philly stomped Detroit and good), but was interrupted by the doorbell. Sunrise Bay neighbors Cookie O. and Rae, soon joined by Irene M., had brought over their contributions for the Women's Club Tricky Tray, of which I'm chair. I invited them in and the four of us chatted in the study for an hour or so.
When the ladies left, I was galvanized and spent most of the rest of the afternoon digging out and pulling weeds that had started to take over the garden in the front. I'm thinking about going to Manahawkin to buy a crepe myrtle--they're incredibly beautiful, with raspberry flowers--and may ask A. and M. to plant it under the windows in the front bed.
I went in to check the Eagles' progress now and then, and every time I went out again, they scored! Yay!
Just had FF hot dogs (40 cal.) and vegetarian baked beans in the crock pot for dinner. I had one dog, plus a huge salad--was so good. Ellen called and we had a long, absorbing talk, some of which was centered on one of her students. He's been diagnosed with autism, but the mother insists it's simply ADD. Well, he has a great teacher--my darling daughter.
Pat and I watched "The War" by Ken Burns last night; this episode was called "A Necessary War." Well, was it? I'm going to delve again into the causes of WW II--they may well not be what this program suggests. Being a pacifist, I don't think any war is "necessary." Certainly, though, this one seems to have been--at least on the surface--caused by aggression toward us, unlike the current quagmire.
I'm going down to Betty's and we'll hang out. She's still not sure when she'll return to the west coast. I'll bring her down some bathroom rugs I don't need anymore and that should fit well in her baths. Tomorrow, I meet Wellspouse friend, Vivian, for dinner--looking forward to that, too, of course.